As I write this, its been exactly one week since I held my father-in-law’s hand for the last time in that quiet Hospice room. All alone, I had the freedom to weep without scrutiny, to cry out to God honestly.
As a Christ-follower, I frequently seek comfort from Scripture. I like First Corinthians 15 –“Behold, I tell you a mystery: We shall not all sleep, but we shall all be changed — in a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet. For the trumpet will sound, and the dead will be raised incorruptible, and we shall be change . . .” But verse 55 has me perplexed. It reads, "O Death, where is your sting?”
My first reaction to Paul’s question is, “I know right were Death’s sting is. It’s lodged in my chest!”
QUESTIONS SCRIBBLED ON MY HEART’S WALL:
1. Is Paul suggesting that death’s sting is forever gone by virtue of the “victory”? If that’s true, then why does grief hurt so badly? Should I be concerned that I’m not a “victorious” Christian?
2. In Acts 9:5 and 26:14, the same word is used and alludes to an unruly oxen or beast of burden which puts up resistance against a superior power (the farmer). It is applied to those, who by their resistance to that superior power, hurt themselves. Making sense of the “sting”, is death is a “superior” power – something that, if resisted, only opens the door to further pain and grief. While I believe that death is a powerful thing, I prefer to believe that there is a power more superior to death and that the grave was conquered long ago by the cross. I have always affirmed that by virtue of Christ’s victory the sting of death has been annulled. Even so, the sting is still there. I can’t deny it. It hurts!
3. Revelation 9:10 uses the same word referring to the poisonous stinging tail of a scorpion. This brings to mind a bad Florida beach moment with our son Cody long ago. Wading in the shallow surf, he accidently stepped on a small stingray that reflexively whipped its barb and lacerated the side of his foot, releasing its painful venom. Unsuccessful in calming Cody we headed off to the nearest Urgent Care Center. Eventually Cody began feeling better. However, before leaving Urgent Care, the doctor gave a helpful, but unorthodox suggestion for “next time” this happens. He recommended urinating on the wound – that it would neutralize the stingray venom. I guess that remedy is best done behind a palm tree.
4. In reference to the awful sting of death, I’m tempted to do just what the doctor suggested. Sometimes I feel so angry at the pain of the sting that I’d like to do my thing all over it. The problem with urinating on “the sting” is public indecency. We have standards in society of decency and behavior that is proper and not repulsive to others. That’s where one must find a palm tree to hide behind. Apart from literally saturating the sting with human urine, I have found that the only thing that seems to calm the pain of the grave’s sting is to saturate it with something else - my tears. Even then, I feel that I must still find a palm tree to hide behind. Do people really want to see that? Of course there’s a time for public grief, but even then it seems that some folks have a low tolerance for seeing others grieve. Because of that many of my tears are released only after I find a palm tree to hide behind. Other times, I seek out palm trees because I don’t want to be a bother or burden to others who are also hovering near their own palm trees.
5. Palm tree or open beach, I still believe that for me, if I resist grief and fail to saturate the sting with my tears that the sting festers all the more. Falling asleep is most difficult when I resist grief and try to push it out of my mind. But when I give myself permission to think about it, to re-live memories and cry, then sleep comes better and the sting begins losing its power.
6. Could it be that the only power grave’s sting has is that which we give it? Common Christian clichés do nothing to diminish the pain and power of the sting – in fact resisting the sting by denial and platitudes only seems to make it worse. Could it be that living in the reality of the moment and allowing oneself to feel the fullness of the sting, is part of authentic faith? And could it be that as we saturate that sting with our humanity and tears, that the healing power of the resurrection has the best potential of doing its work?
7. Before resurrection comes death. Could it be that to deny, ignore, resist death and its sting is to set oneself up for a frustrating path of recovery? Palm tree or open beach, to the extent that the sting of death is fully acknowledged, embraced and saturated with the fullness of human emotion – to that extent the hope of the resurrection and can be fully acknowledged, embraced and experienced. To this end, I can agree with Paul, “Death is swallowed up in victory.”
